


and a place in my heart will always be hers

by fortunedays



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, also this is misleadingly happy sounding, it's not happy, rest of the cm team, will's there but like. only because he has to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 11:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12131019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortunedays/pseuds/fortunedays
Summary: Garcia had once asked Emily how much she loved JJ, and she's had years to come up with a suitable answer. Now is her time to prove it.





	and a place in my heart will always be hers

**Author's Note:**

> things you said #54: things you always meant to say but never got the chance.

Garcia had once asked Emily how much she loved JJ.

It was years ago, during a conversation that Emily can barely remember. She's sure that they were both at least a little drunk, which explains her poor memory and Garcia's particularly loose tongue. It had struck Emily out of left field nevertheless, and she'd searched for an answer. Her silence had bored Garcia, because the subject was changed before Emily could respond, and it hadn't been brought up since.

Despite having no more probes into her unrequited love for JJ, Emily couldn't help but return to Garcia's question every now and again. Her answer changed every time - she loved JJ more than she loved herself, more than life itself, to the moon and back. Eventually Emily decided that there was no proper way to quantify just how much she felt for her best friend. She just loved her, and that was as simple - and as complicated - as it was.

But that was before.

Before Emily stood in an empty Paris flat, still cold from the rain, holding an invitation to JJ's wedding. _Jennifer Jareau and William LaMontague Jr. request the honor of your presence at their wedding_ stared up at her from a beautifully decorated card. Emily felt her heart break just a bit more as she read it. She'd go, of course. She could never deny JJ anything. And as she checked _happily accepts_ on the response card, Emily changed her definition of love for the last time.

She loved JJ enough to let her go.

* * *

 

Emily flies back to Virginia three days before JJ's wedding, in order to help her and Garcia finish preparing. When she sees JJ, Emily is overwhelmed with so much joy she almost forgets why she's there. The three of them coordinate flower arrangements and seating charts, and Emily is surprised by how quickly the time passes. She's missed this easy camaraderie with JJ and Garcia; the sense of belonging and family she had shared with her team.

The morning of the wedding dawns sunny and beautiful. Emily and Garcia, along with another woman Emily doesn't know, are JJ's bridesmaids. Even as she dons the gown JJ had chosen for her - which is perfect in every way - Emily still can't believe JJ wants her to be this involved. But Emily's proud, and so, so honored, to be where she is.

They dress separate from JJ, and when she emerges from her room, Emily forgets how to breathe. Garcia is cooing and fawning over JJ, but all Emily can think about is how _beautiful_ she looks. When she regains her motor function, she praises JJ's dress and embraces her. JJ's smile never fades.

The following events happen in a blur, as everyone processes into the church and takes their proper place. When JJ enters, she is the most brilliant thing Emily has ever seen. She gets as teary-eyed as Will, but thankfully no one's paying her much attention. Their eyes are all on JJ, and rightly so - she is, as deserved, the most beautiful one in the room.

* * *

 

The reception is just as beautiful as the ceremony had been - everything is lit with fairy lights and soft smelling candles. When JJ makes her entrance with Will, Emily can't help but think that JJ looks just like an angel.

Weddings have never been Emily's forte, so she sticks to the edges and watches everyone else. She watches JJ and Will dance and feels a twinge in her chest that recently she's been feeling quite often. Emily does smile, however, when JJ catches her eye as she dances. JJ smiles back, and for a small moment, Emily doesn't hurt.

As the night wears on, Emily dances with her old teammates in turn. Spencer is just as awkward as she is, while Morgan is smooth and hilarious as he dances with Garcia. Somehow, Rossi gets Hotch to join them too. When the music fades to a slow song, Emily follows Hotch away from the dance floor, but before she gets far, someone grabs her arm. She turns and finds herself face to face with a smiling JJ, and Emily's heart warms at the sight.

"You didn't think I was gonna let you get away without dancing with me, did you?" JJ teases, and Emily laughs.

"Of course not."

JJ takes Emily's hand and they wander to the middle of the dance floor. They each wrap an arm around the other's waist, their other hands still connected. Emily doesn't know the song but JJ is humming it quietly; the sound floats over Emily like candlelight. She's always been mesmerized by JJ, but tonight is something new. Tonight, JJ is more radiant and beautiful than Emily has ever seen. Tonight, Emily is still allowed to be in love.

"Are you having fun, Em?" JJ's soft voice pulls Emily from her thoughts.

"Yeah, I am. Everything's beautiful, Jayje." _You're beautiful._ "I'm so happy for you."

JJ smiles. "I'm happy too. I'm so thankful that you came, Emily."

"JJ, I wouldn't miss this for the world." _I couldn't say no to you._

They continue swaying to the music, and Emily tries her hardest to absorb every bit of this moment; every smile, every touch. Thoughts flow freely though her head, stupid things like _I don't want this moment to end_ and _I wish this could've been different_ and _I love you so much_. She doesn't say them, but she feels them, and with JJ in her arms, maybe that's enough.

The song ends and for a moment they stand frozen, gazing softly at each other. Emily doesn't want to leave - she wants to stay here, with JJ, forever. She wants to say those three words that are bursting in her chest. JJ too looks as if she wants to speak, but suddenly the song has changed and Garcia is beside them, and the moment breaks.

The three of them dance together, laughing all the while. By the time Garcia has tired them out, people have started to make their ways home, and Emily thinks she should go too. Her flight home is the next morning - she didn't think she had it in her to stay here for very long after the wedding. She gives her congratulations to Will and seeks out JJ, who has disappeared back to the dance floor with Henry. Emily smiles at the two of them, and makes her way over.

"Hey JJ, I think I'm going to head back to my hotel, my flight's in the morning. Thank you so much for inviting me to be here with you."

JJ gives her a sad smile; she too hates it when Emily leaves. "Always, Emily." She holds out her arms and Emily hugs her tight; she doesn't know the next time she'll get the chance. When they pull back, JJ is smiling and her eyes are shimmering with tears, and Emily feels as if she might cry too. "Call me when you get back to Paris, okay? Be safe."

"I will. Promise." Emily exhales deeply. "I love you, JJ."

"I love you too, Emily." JJ smiles and pulls Emily in for another hug. Before Emily can break down, she heads out to her car, her head screaming _no, JJ, I love you more, I love you with all that I am._

She keeps her mouth shut and holds back the incoming tears, which she sheds that night, into a hotel pillow in the darkness.

The following day, she boards her plane, and calls JJ the second she steps into the Paris airport. All around her are couples reuniting, and Emily wonders what it would be like to not leave your love behind, to love someone so much that you'd never really leave them.

But she doesn't ask JJ these questions. She tells JJ she's safe, and heading home, and hangs up with another _I love you_ that doesn't quite translate its true meaning.

But Emily knows how much she loves JJ, and for now, that's enough.


End file.
